Bachelor 22.07 Recap – Thinky People

Krystal is gone. Chelsea is gone. Now, you may be asking yourself, where will all the drama come from? Will a new challenger emerge to cause havoc among the remaining bachelor hopefuls? Perhaps tonight, we will find out…

In Tuscany

From France to Italy. Seven ladies left, and all of them wanting to be the next to get a hit of intravenous Arie.

This week, all dates, no rose ceremony. Four roses to give out, three going home. The looks on their faces communicate the pure panic they’re feeling. Makes me want to tent my fingers like Mr. Burns.


Beccah K. (not the young one)

Beccah gets the first 1:1 thing, a drive in a convertible out into the countryside. Walking around a quaint little euro-town with a picnic basket like it’s a Woody Allen movie. But, you know, the old Woody Allen movies, before the whole… thing. Let’s not talk about it.

Anyway, they have a picnic with some #RealTalk about regrets and feelings and some other stuff that all floats over my head like I’m experiencing a brown-out. But, the point is, Arie decides that he does have feelings for her, but he doesn’t seem 100% sold. That hesitation means he’s absolutely going to give her a rose, but he will tease it out like he’s not sure until the absolute last second.

During dinner convo, Arie has a strange look on his face. That Arie Doubt. He leans in to kiss her because he doesn’t know what to say. Again, it’s always weird when he reaches for the rose after seeing that look on his face. Does Arie know what he wants? Does he have any sort of plan, or is he only thinking of how he can get another chance to stick his tongue down someone’s throat?

Beccah gets a rose. Three left.

The Sock Drama

Back with the other ladies, Sock Jacqueline is confiding in Kendall how much she’s unsure about all this. Blows my mind how grownup Jacqueline is. How she talks about choosing to have feelings for him. It’s startling to see a contestant on this show with such maturity and perspective. Clearly, she’s going home today.

And, soon enough…

When Lauren gets the 1:1 date card, Jacqueline goes on this rant about feelings, and I’m starting to doubt all of my praise for her. Keep it together, Sock Jacqueline. But then, she says she sabotages herself, and it all makes sense. This is why we can’t have nice things, Jackie. You’re one of those thinky people, arencha?

So, she goes to speak to him. And she talks herself out of being in the running for hometown dates. She speaks of swirling doubts about their “foundation” with him, and she doesn’t feel the same confidence. Arie looks like he’s going to attempt to dissuade her from it, like he doesn’t know what to do.

But in the end, it works out well for him, because he doesn’t have to make this choice. One less rose you have to decide.

Lauren B


After all that drama, we’re with Arie and Boring Lauren in Luca, riding bikes.

“This is very Italian”

-Lauren B

As they walk around, her lips look like they’re superglued shut. SAY SOMETHING! BE INTERESTING!

Then, while eating pizza, she talks, and I wonder if it maybe isn’t better if she keeps her mouth shut. Just seems like she repeats a set of various phrases that have been used as sound bites from previous contestants on the show.

Arie talks about how she needs a “breakthrough” in order for him to give her the rose, which pretty-much telegraphs that he’s going to do it. But he also says she’s “amazing.” How, Arie? Sure, her butt is on point, but that don’t make her wife material.

“It’s hard for me to put myself in a position where I could be hurt again.”

-Lauren B, or basically anyone who’s ever been on this show before.

She drops the L word, and he turns his head away. Awkward. Then, he excuses himself, and the dramatic music kicks in. When he comes back, she presses him on his hasty exit. He picks up the rose, and says he feels vulnerable with her. He even says he’s falling in love with her. WTF. I do not get it. Maybe they’ve already bumped uglies?


The final 1:1 of the week. Truffle-hunting with Seinne in the countryside. Arie says, “I do dig Seinne, but can I dig deep enough?” Wicked-clever wordplay there, Arie. Tip of the cap.

Next up, pasta-making with a bunch of grinning Italian locals. Arie says he and Seinne have picked up where they’ve left off. But, he mentions how both Beccah and Lauren have used the L word, so it sounds like that’s what he needs to hear to give her the rose.

As the bell tolls in the background, the dramatic music creeps in. They talk about if she would move to Scottsdale, and Seinne doesn’t give a direct answer. Not looking good, Seinne.

He says something is off, and he’s struggling to find the deep emotion, and then he picks up the rose. He says he hasn’t felt things and he can’t give it to her. Does he have to say all this while he’s holding the rose? Seems cold-blooded AF.

But, to be honest, I prefer he not give her one. Because this means two people from the remaining group date will get a rose.

Group Date

Youngun Bekah, Kendall, and Tia. Three chicks enter. Two chicks leave. I know who I want to go home: Youngun. I am #TeamKendall all the way, but Tia is pretty rad too, in her down-home country girl way. Bekah needs to go home. Will I get my wish? let’s see.

He meets them across a green field in front of an old villa. They wander, drink, and he pulls them aside one by one.

Kendall says she is open to moving for him (+1 point).

Tia has to bring up Bekah and her youth and immaturity (-1 point). Bad move, Tia. I mean, she has a legit point, but talking about another woman behind her back is never a smart move, no matter how unfair it is. And then, she says the same thing to Bekah. What are you hoping to accomplish, Tia?

Of the 7 remaining women on the show, I had not predicted Tia would become the new villain. Plot twist.

Bekah runs off to get a hug from Arie, to show him how sad she is about Tia’s evil, hurtful comments (+1 point). And she recovers beautifully by answering his questions about whether or not she is serious. No way can he send her home now.

Kendall gets the first rose. #TeamKendall still going strong, bitches. This spins off the rest of the day into a 2:1 date, Tia and Youngun glaring at each other across the little dining table. More conversation, with repeats of the same talking points from earlier in the day.

Finally, they gather back at the table.

“This is definitely the hardest rose.”

-Arie Lerheryndyk

AND TIA GETS THE ROSE! That was a shocker. Despite all indications that her shit-talking Bekah was going to be the end of her, it paid off. Hmm. Howboutthat?

How bout dah?


See all my bachelor recaps here.

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2018-02-12T21:20:51+00:00 February 13th, 2018|Review|